Life is What YOU Make of it!!!

As many of yall already know I will be off from my next job for a month. I plan to do some reading, writing, traveling, working out, and whatever I feel that I have been putting off. I have been looking forward to this the whole year and now that I am here I am even more enthused. What I plan to accomplish is to make my passions and purpose exposed to myself and to push my limits further than I ever thought possible. Also, when I do start my job in a little over a month I have the mindset of placing my job into my passion and purpose instead of the other way around. Yes I know that my job will take up 40 plus hours a week and that I will do my other things on the side sparringly, but the foundation will already be set and good habits will be implemented. So without further ado here are the goals of the month that I call, Passion or Bust That’s the Dilemma.

1. Write write write- Once I am done with my Civil Engineer career I will be a full-time writer. Right now I am no where near where I want to be when I am doing this full-time and am taking steps to become better. I have ordered a couple of books to help write creatively, taking a course this summer starting today on fiction writing, also listening to podcast and reviewing grammer websites for improved sentence structure, and read tons of books in general to develop my own writing style. And also to write every single day.

2. Read like a mad man- My goal for more knowledge and to revive my love of getting totally lost in another world is to read books. My goal for this month off is to read 10 books.

3. Already in shape so now it is time to be ripped- I am in great shape right now and since I have to time I will put some of that energy in to increase strength and to be in sculpted physique. I will write about this whole ordeal because I am already witnessing unbelievable results and realizations that I didn’t think was ever going to happen.

4. Update websites- I am going to go crazy and update this website and my personal website. I am looking of something big, but not too crazy. This should be done by my birthday.

5. Travel some- Doesn’t really matter where, but have do something.

6. Improve my working style- to become faster at what I do and to understand what I am doing for my job and clients.

I have already started my month off before I start my next job vacation and so far so good. I have tons of things planned and I will do my best to complete them. I am going to write a huge goal list later today or early morning to give people and myself an outline of what I plan and the reasoning behind all of this.

So far my detox of the previous job is going well and should be done with those negative feelings of it. So until next time everyone enjoy the rest of there weekend.

I have been thinking about this since yesterday, since I dropped the bomb at the old gig. As I was talking to people about what had happen, where I was going to go, and what was I going to do between the time I became depressed. I was distraught with what people were saying about my new employer’s salary and also that you can check what everyone makes online. It blew me away that was what people were basing a good workplace from the next. Money is important, but it sure isn’t everything, and if people are constantly basing their happiness around it then they are going to be disappointed. Hell I would take a pay cut if I was a happier person that enjoyed going to work, had more time to spend with his family and friends, travel more often, exercise, and pursue his purpose in life to write and change the world.

So now that I am moving on in my life I stop to realize what things that I am grateful for. What things move me to get out of the door every morning, what gives me the strength to wake up with no animosity whatsoever, the moments that bring a smile to my face, the people that make me laugh because we are in the now or reminiscing of the pass, and so on and so forth. I can say right now that I am on top of the world and the only place for me to go is up and there is no reason to let people keep me down, keep me from realizing what I set for myself. Everyone’s goals and purpose are different and people have a tendency to push others in their own direction.

When I was a kid I thought about the future, thought about when I was going to get my driver’s license, when I was going to graduate high school, that first kiss, that first lay (well I thought about that a lot later in my pre 20’s) and that was it. I thought as myself as the ideal candidate for a “Toys“R”Us Kid”, who never wanted to grow up and who only wanted to play. We would play basketball, football, crawfish baseball, hide and go seek, ride bikes, go swimming, and read a hellva a lot on a role playing game on the 1st generation Nintendo. I didn’t have to worry about bills, car note, where the next pay check was coming from, going to work clearly not ready snoozing at least 5 times. As anyone can see these are the things that we simply go through with the entitlement of “growing up” and that being that “Toys“R”Us Kid” of never wanting to grow up was out the window. One thing that I am slowly getting back from being a “Toys“R”Us Kid” is living for now. Damn every motivational speaker or humans that have experience so much in life say that but it is so true. When I was a kid I dreamed about the future and my naive way of thinking the world will be when I was that ripe old age of “being grown”. But living in the now and just enjoying every single second that I was doing something was the most important trait I learned as a kid and that I am getting closer to realizing and experiencing it more.

“Toys ‘R Us Jingle”

I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys’ R Us kid
There’s a million toys at Toys ‘R Us that I can play with!
From bikes, to trains, to video games,
It’s the biggest toy store there is! Gee whiz!
I don’t want to grow, cuz baby if I did,
I wouldn’t be a Toys ‘R Us kid!

I have been thinking about this very same situation for some time and today was the day that it actually came true. Here is the narrative of my day.

I slept okay, but I was ready for the morning, ready for the next step in my life. I was already feeling sick in the stomach due to drinking 4 cups of detox green tea and damn all of the fantastic tasting food from this weekend in Minnesota came out. I got ready for the morning as I usually do. Grabbed my vitamins, my flip video recorder, and banana and went out the door. I made a quick 20 sec video of what I was preparing myself to do, something I have been thinking about doing for some time now. Again the morning was just like any other morning and the drive was just as mundane as any morning drive. I parked the car, walked in the building, took the stairs up 5 flights, walked to my cube and turned on the computer, talked to some co-workers about my weekend in Minnesota, and sat there. I sat and sat and waited and was ready to get it over with. I checked my outlook page and noticed that my two bosses had an incredible and thorough meeting with the subject line: Oke and with a red label that said it was important. I laughed and said to myself that they were doing this while I was flying back, they were going to welcome me with a “Oke, can you come to my office and…” you know the rest.

I was so anxious and ready to get it off my chest. It was as if I was a kid waiting my turn in line impatiently to double-dutch jump rope. I hear a door open. I look up and there he was. It was my time and I didn’t let it get away. I told him I needed to talk to him as soon as possible. He went to get his coffee. He came to me and said the was ready. I got up, cleared my throat. Went to his office and closed the door. I sat down and said, ” I am quitting…it is about that time…I feel…because…I am not finish saying what I have to say…thanks and shakes hand and leave with a smile on my face. The happiest day that I have had at the job, the old gig.

After I told my old boss that I was quitting he did something mysterious. He opened his eyes as wide as possible, smirked, and smiled in one unison as if he was performing a dead-lift with perfect form and movement. Damn that was a surprising jab that he wasn’t expecting. I didn’t talk to my other boss because she was ready to do what she planned to do in the meeting the day before, but wasn’t able to. She didn’t make none whatsoever type of eye contact to me and that was the final blow of the day. Words cannot totally describe how I felt at that moment and how I feel now that it is over. I can’t wait to start my new job and show them that I am worthy of what they hired me for and this will also give me the opportunity to learn and grow as an engineer and more importantly as a man traveling through his journey in life.

I just came to the realization that it is the same. I have been going back and forth with my leap of doing freelance writing on the side for well over 2 months. I didn’t do this much thinking and analyzing the situation when I started blogging over 2 years ago. I just simply got behind the keyboard, found blogger to start my writing and wrote. I believe my first post was about starting things and not knowing where it will go. Damn I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t start this blog. I have a couple of people that read what I write, made some great friends along the way, has given me direction and insight into what I think about, and a way for me to express myself through a way that i had no clue that will help me out ever. So that is what I have to do with this freelance writing gig. Take a chance, take a risk, and just do. Don’t worry about the future, don’t worry about if you are making enough money, don’t worry and just make life of whatever I make of it.

So this week and starting now I am an officially a freelance writer. I will write articles about whatever I feel that is interesting because writing is a passion that I haven’t totally figured out that will be a part of my personal legend. Oh yeah I will get monetary value because of what I like to do. Damn that is really powerful. Getting money for something I love to do.

Here my very first post:

“Man oh man, there is so much to life to be continuing being in a routine. Not just I’ll do this on monday, tuesday, wednesday, and so on night, but hell I will do this every single day. I am glad that I have also started this blog. I have been talking about starting and never did until now, I believe this is a breakthrough for life not just today.”

-Not just today, this is a breakthrough for life in general and I will see where it shall lead me.-

I realized this the past couple of weeks where I didn’t plan any goals and specific task also while I was finishing up a great book called, The Alchemist. There are a couple of ideas and concerns that were floating in my head about things that I have started and not finished and also about things I want to start and haven’t got the urge to do so. I have also realized that I need to start asking the question why and not what when it comes to passions that I like or think that I might like due to outside involvement.

The past 3 weeks I have been keeping a personal journal of myself and writing about where I am at in my life right now and why I can’t finish when I start a “so-called” passion. The whole process was mind blowing and really helped me understand my mind and actions as they are. It has been some time now since I did a personality test, but I thought the results were dead on. The idea of me being a good initiator got me thinking of all of the projects, business ideas, and passion and hobbies that I have started and not finished. I started asking questions about myself of if I really wanted to do those things or they just sound good to my ears and to other people?

Then I read this quote that summed up pursuing goals, mission, and passions that weren’t really goals, mission, and passions:

Source: The Alchemist

“And what went wrong when other alchemist tried to make gold and were unable to do so?”

“They were looking only fo gold,” his companion answered. “They were seeking the treasure of their Personal Legend, without wanting actually to live out the Personal Legend.”

I stopped and totally started thinking seriously about activities, the perfect career or business, and hobbies that I enjoyed and that brought a smile to my face. I then asked the question why. Why do I like that, why do I want to do this, why was I taking repeated actions that got me no where in the long run?

I came to the conclusion that whatever I was chasing was nothing or that I didn’t structure it to my strengths or to other attributes that I love. There are many things that we as human beings like to do and that there are a couple of things that we do really well at, but we are wasting our time, our life with senseless shit that we don’t ultimately care about.

So the journey is just as important then the destination. I have come to realize that this is so true because the majority of the time this is what we will be doing. For instance, if I wanted to be the baddest basketball player in the world with all of the fame, homes, automobiles, and women or gorgeous wife (ie. the gold) then I will have to workout, practices, practices, practices, play better people, listen to coaches and friends about your weaknesses and improving them accordingly, and whatever else that is done on a regular basis (ie. the 80%) then all of those things have a greater chance of happening.

If we live up to the true meaning of being a person than we cannot fail at whatever we want. Also, because we enjoy life and wouldn’t want to waste time doing bullshit crap that we feel that we have to do. So if anyone gets anything from this post it should be to find and do something you love that you are going to do 99% of the time and only get that gratification and fame 1% of the time.

I was just recently review for work and I pretty much knew how it would go and then my boss said something toward the end that stuck. It was, “It is hard to take criticism from your peers and it takes time for one to accept it”. Over the past few years I would secretly take criticism really to heart and got down on myself about it. But now that isn’t so. I think the main reason is because I am much harder on myself than anyone else can be on me. I am now living up to my own expectations. That statement alone is very very important. Whatever someone says something about me I think about my actions, think how they are looking at the situation, and see if I have thought this way about myself and why I haven’t done anything to change.

The words provide action…

No matter what someone says to you something is always done. You either change or you don’t. If you change that means that you feel that it will be helpful to you in the long run in the way it shapes your life as a person. If you don’t that probably means that you either didn’t feel that isn’t a weakness you need to fix, to stubborn to look at what others are saying about you, or flat out what one is saying doesn’t apply to what the majority of people are saying about you.

Are you going to take what they say and do something about it?

I am going to change the way I do things. I really am. One this will help me in the future with whatever I want to do civil engineer wise, freelance wise, business wise, writing articles and novel wise, and just in general. I know that if I keep up with the changes I will only get better in what I am doing and also continue to edit my changes so that I will develop the best possible me. I remember an article from my friend Adam McFarland a while ago that talked about how the idea isn’t really nothing, but you or in his case a group of people continue to provide a service and with time develop a robust system that saves the company time, money, and piece of mind. The great idea is never figured out on day 1, all of the bugs are worked out and consistently being improved. That is the same with improving one’s self.

Criticism, at times it can hurt, but it is okay if you set your expectations higher than anyone. Ultimately people have motives for your life and the direction they want to swing it, but the simple answer to that is that it is you who have to deal with the outcome especially if it is something you whole-heartedly didn’t want to go through with.

I didn’t think I would reach this accomplishment this quickly, but it did happen this past friday. I looked at the bar and said to damn I really am about to bench press this amount of weight. So here it is in on words of how I felt before, during, and afterwards.

The last exercise of the evening and I was feeling pump. I ran through my military press, deadlifts, and took a much needed break after the 20 squats of 265 lbs. I was exhausted and knew that it was time to get underneath the iron for a couple of bench presses. I am in no means a body builder and don’t even look like I could lift that amount of weight, but I can and it gives me a rush to continue to lift twice a week.

I start off slow. I put on 245 and lift it 5 times with no problems. Then 265 and the same outcome. Then 275 and feelin the burn. I am pumped, scared, and ready to lift my new limit 5 times. I get a glass of water, think about what I am about to do and relax. Yes I am stalling, but you would be to if you were going to lift 295 5 times. My friend was spotting me if I needed it and cheering me on. The thing that really got me going was that when he said that I lifted 285 the bar was flexing in a frown expression. That very imagination helped me to realize that I was really putting my body into some shock and got my mind right on the very fact that I can really do this and that I was lifting 95 lbs over my body weight.

It was time to put the weight on the bar. I plate went on each side, another 45 lb plate went on, and then a 35. I was getting anxious, getting thrilled that I was going to end my workout on a high note and sleep well, I mean like a new born baby yapping and crying all day. I looked at the bar again and said damn it is time. My muscles were tight some and my mind very clear of what I was going to do. I was imaging that I have already lifted this amount of weight. I put on my gloves, positioned the bench to make sure it was even with respect to the bar. I rolled the weight forward and placed my body on the back of the bench and I paused…put one hand on the bar…took it off…took a couple of deep breaths, tighten up all my muscles, hold in my stomach, and get ready. I am telling you it is crazy how calm I was before the lift and how that quickly changed when the bar was in the air under my power. My whole face was also tight as I lifted the crazy amount of weight and was that way as I slowly lowered it down to my chest and then with force, steadiness, concentration, and pure will to not let the weight stay planted on my chest and look like a dumbass in front of my friend and him secretly telling others that I dropped nearly 300lbs on my chest. I was almost done lifting 1, 2, 3, and then 4 but that fourth one was crazy fuckin heavy and knew that that would be my limit for now and do another one in a minute or 2 to finish off the 5 that I said that I was going for. The amount felt heaver as it went on and I was really thinking of stopping after 3, but that voice of my friend and the will to live my dreams was pushing me and the excitement that I felt afterwards got me up and ready to exercise some more and do some other things that other people would envy or would only image of doing.

All I can do is chill, image, and be thankful that I getting things handled in my life. All I got to do now is get the other things right and I will be on top of the world…

This past weekend was great. I relaxed with my girlfriend, hung out with the boys over paintball and strip joint (not a fan of them, but this night was pretty fun), and had a good sunday to transition into the week. I could have done more with writing, but didn’t plan to though. My goals and mission for the year are going well and do see them all being completed. I have been thinking what I would right about next and figured that I shouldn’t force anything, but let it come out. I realized something though that got me to thinking why this is so.

As human beings we are motivated, but differently and with strong determination to do when others push us against the wall.

Why is this the case? Why do we perform better with a little of anger inside our soul? Is it because we are used to completing a task or goals that we don’t get much excitement from it? Or is it that person, the enemy, thinking that we can’t do?

I witnessed this this weekend. I asked a friend to see if he could find information at the local college about any creative writing classes. I texted him to see if he did so and said that he didn’t and that I should just write more and read books on the subject to improve my writing. I was and still ticked off that he said that and determine to prove him wrong. Yes I will write more but nothing speeds up the process more than having constructive criticism from an actual person who has done it before and still writes that way. I am also fuckin tired of reading books to solve the problem, why should I keep on reading and reading and still won’t have that person talking specifically about my work? So I am more than ever to find a creative writing class and be the writer that I want to become.

Again the question still stands, why do we perform or give more of ourselves because of other’s negative talk? Probably because it is a form of disrespect… it seems like that person doesn’t believe in what you can do… or the simple fact that you want to tell that person I told you so. My girlfriend feels very determine to prove a colleague wrong. Kobe Bryant will and has lighten a touch under people’s asses for them talking smack about him being over-rated. The kid who couldn’t read well in middle school and got made fun of was so determine to become a better reader and did so (myself). Whatever other similar scenario it has happened and I told you so followed right afterwards.

I will let it be a mystery and will do my best to let my best shine when I am doing something for me and also to prove somebody wrong evenly. Usually people wake up in the morning feeling great about their life and feel self-motivated to do whatever that have planned for the day, it seems so out of place to have that same feeling to prove someone else wrong. But then again the goal and task that you set for yourself was always a point of completion, however the added negative talk or put downs gives you that more determination to excel.

It is yet another anniversary for me for this blog. I am quite happy where this blog has been going and looking forward to where it will go in the future. In the beginning it was about my entrepreneur endeavors and how I was adjusting and surviving being an entrepreneur. But now it is mostly about my life is spurts and my quest to leave a meaningful life my way. I am still doing entrepreneur things, but have also written about my hobbies, work, happiness, and whatever I come up with. I didn’t think much people read my blog, but since the beginning of this year I have gotten some great emails back about people being touched by what I write and I that alone has gotten me to write more. I don’t know what I really know what is planned for this year, but I do feel that I am trying to do different things to allow people in my life and do hope that I reach more people with my simple writing.

With that said I have a couple of good blog post that I have written in the past, but I suggest you to just go look at the past month and find which one you like the best and let me know which one it is. Until next time have fun, chill alittle, but do something whatever it is do something…