It’s the only thing that matters.
Fuck Everybody else.
Let me explain:
Depending on others for your own well-being will get you spinning out of control. The time you are spinning out of control is only dependent on when the fuck decide to you wake up, look yourself in the mirror and follow your own path.
Looking for other people’s guidance and advice looks great on paper, but it only slows you down. What it also does is make you mad at the other person for your own decisions in life. And when you are accountable to yourself, you can only blame your self and praise yourself.
So. Don’t look for others advice. Research and make your own decisions. It will be hard at first, but you will start to build confidence in your ability to live your life on your own terms.
Your own terms.
I failed. Let’s just get that out of the way. I failed my board exam. An exam that I never wanted to take, but did so because of my family. Yeah. But as I was talking to Shannon and looking at the wonder of Ava’s eyes, I knew that this would get me to where I wanted to be alot faster than all of the things that I’ve done in the past.
But with all the dedicated studying, sacrifice, head games and determination, I failed. I failed by 7 problems. If I would have gotten 7 more problems right, I would not be writing this post. I would be a rockstar in the office and telling my stories to others how I fucked that big bad p.e. test. But no. I have been telling others how bad the test fucked me.
I’m a big believer that failure is your friend. We fail at many things each and everyday. Most of the time when we think we aren’t failing, we are failing. We are so so damn scared of it. Not me, though. I look forward to meeting my friend and talking things over with him. Even though he isn’t a nice guy. He is insanely honest. Doesn’t bring flowers to the meetings and at times is a dick. When it’s time to tell me how shitty I am he just gets down to his assholey-self of telling me how he beat me and points out all of my weaknesses. He doesn’t give me any praise for what I did right. He doesn’t give a shit. Not at all. His only job is to tell me that I suck and that he looks forward to beating the shit out of me the next time around.
He does allow me to ask questions. Which I appreciate. I sometimes have a laundry list of them. Most times I just take the smack down like a man and after failure has left me alone I go cry in a darkroom.
Why did I force myself to come to this networking event?
This young professional networking event.
No one is acknowledging my existence.
I rushed to my apartment after work to iron a fresh collared shirt and dress slacks. I even had my loafers professionally shined. I took a shower an hour ago. I brushed my teeth for three whole goddamn minutes. I have my favorite fragrant deodorant plastered under my armpits.
I don’t have a pout on my face……………………………….I’m sure of it.
WHAT THE FUCK
Then, if it’s not me, what can it be?