Today is my Birthday and with me turning a different age every year it is a time of reflection. Ironically I reflect on where I am at almost everyday. But looking back from a year ago I have noticed quite a bit of growth and determination. Last year I was a big dreamer and not living in the present but thinking of the future. I was also doing way too much of bullshit that I truly didn’t believe in or spending way too much time on useless matter. I still thought that I was a victim in some areas of my life and just sat in turmoil because of it. And yes like many people I kept this side of me from leaking out. I always put on a smile that showed a happy person. At times I was happy, but not as much as I presented. But that was then and this is now and I really do feel that I was learning something about myself every single day. Yes some days I slid back, but I was keen enough to get back on track. I warrant this getting back on MY path to my brother Ejiro, mother, some friends along the way, and me being totally honest with myself. I honestly am that to be the hardest thing someone can do. Many people can lie to people in their face, but it is really a blow to lie to yourself. No one cares if you do lie to yourself and you are the only one that will suffer/rejoice in the decision you make.
This reflection of my life is not going to be rant or sermon about being honest with yourself, but more on how I have grown as me and where I am going. I don’t take things so seriously these days. I used to worry about what everyone else was doing and was quick to ignore my own life. I still do care for other people, but have come to realize that my happiness is the most important thing and me helping people that want to be helped or need that push to live will give me a sense of gratitude in that person’s life. I do things because I want to do them, not because of other people want me to do them. I used to jump to the call of others and at times didn’t really want to be doing that activity and paid of the anguish of me enjoying myself. A person can learn so many things about themselves by doing them alone and even more so traveling alone. This experience was the biggest thing during my 25th year on the planet that has opened my eyes. Yes I did travel by myself, but like I mentioned in my write up of Japan it was me refining what I truly want to do in my life. I wasn’t lost when I went there, but my mind wasn’t congruent with the direction I ultimately want to go in. When doing things in life I don’t think a person can really explain everything that they went through and how it changed them. However, I do believe that actions more than words does show how a particular event has changed someone; that is myself seeing the change in myself and also other people letting me know of how I a different person due to whatever.
Well that is what I have today and for my last year of existence on this earth. I hope that all people reflect on their previous birth year and not just get really drunk. I am not saying that you should just sit and ponder about where you were and where you are now, but do so with and enjoy your day in whatever fashion you want, just saying some balance would be good.