I’ve thought about this a couple of months ago and was reluctant to write about it because it was just negative, well not to me but to other people who would have read it. Since I have to come up with new material here it is.
Here is Me in My Head a Couple of Months Ago on the City Bus
Damn. It is early as hell today and I’m tired as shit. I didn’t get much sleep and I still have 40 minutes left to write and I will get some of it done on the bus.
Look at all of these people. They look like slaves getting on this bus. I just don’t get why the hell these old people complain about the weather, how cold it is on the bus, about waking up and going to work and whatever the hell that they do complain about. I guess I’m complaining about some of it too, but I don’t complain much. It is just depressing what these people represent.
(I enter the bus after waiting a couple of minutes in the line)
(I quickly go to my note pad on my phone so I can type before I get off the bus)
Man. I have a long day at work. I just don’t know what the hell I’m going to do there. I’m going to have to get it together because I am just there too long to have a shitty attitude. These people are still sucking to me. I just don’t get why I’m pissed at these people. I even feel that way towards a couple of people at work. I just feel that they should be doing more for themselves. They should be doing something for what they truly want to do. People show the way they feel every single day. They hate work. They come home and watch television and rinse and repeat. That right there kills me.
I don’t think I hate people all together. I love humanity, I just hate people individually. Well, hate is a strong word. I have lost confidence in people to want life the way I want it to. Well, I can’t change people’s minds and I just have to live my life accordingly. I have to help people by seeing me take action in my life. That is going to be the way it works.
The whole realization of me hating people and loving humanity hit me hard. Because to this day I still feel this way. The best way that I can help me understand and overcome my thinking is to just see people for who they are and see the compassion that they do have for life. That is the best way that I can do this and don’t feel that my thinking is off base from how other people feel about the situation. Then again, I don’t care how other people feel about people, this is a situation that I have to overcome in my life.