No More Glasses (and contacts) for Me!

I didn’t think this day would ever come. I’ve been thinking about it for the longest. I was suppose to get this done earlier in the year due to a groupon my wife told me about. I was intrigued and made an impulse decision on it. I took the test and instantly qualified for Lasik.

I didn’t think much about life without glasses before this past weekend. It was hard to. I just didn’t think it was going to be possible. But, the day finally came. The prep before the surgery took the longest. I was so done with the not-so-comfortable massage chair and the 3 valium wasn’t doing a damn thing to relax me. I know my constant wanting of my phone from my wife didn’t help out the situation, either. She said that I can time my writing later and that she was keeping my phone away from me til after the surgery. Then I became pissed at the fishes on the tv screen.

The surgery lasted about 3-4 minutes each eye. They taped each eyelid down and they put this suction cup thing over my eyes. That was uncomfortable as hell. I thought that they were going to harness my body down, but I knew why they didn’t even bother. See, when the doctor says don’t move you just don’t. He is playing his best effort of God to help you see without glasses. And if I decided to move, then that goes my two grand out the window because I didn’t want to listen to authority. And, besides, laser touching other areas besides it intended area wasn’t a good thing for recovery. I knew these people were legit once they were throwing out my prescriptions back and forth to each other. The nurses and doctor were one together and I just knew that I had to do my part by staying the fuck still.

But, you know the thing about the fast surgery, the thing that was a weird feeling and something I will be thinking about for awhile is the laser on my eyes for 10-30 seconds and then knowing that it was done once I smelt what was my eye in some form. Gross. Fucked up actually.

Once the surgery ended they untaped, seemed like they ripped my eyelids (again, hurting like hell). That is when the spiral of angriness and pain started to escalate even more. For the first day of sight I was practically blind. I had these shades I thought were cool that my wife said they look like old people’s sunglasses. I tried to finish up my writing while waiting for Denny’s food in oversized plastic containers in the car. As I continued to open my eyes, the pain got worse and worse and worse. All I wanted to do was to go outside and put my new eyes to work. But I couldn’t because the more I opened them the more pain I was causing. I know I was a total asshole to my wife because I was bossy and didn’t know what else to do. That was when I got the best sleep I got this year. About 15-20 hours. I don’t know if that is true. It felt that way.

Throughout that day I managed to find my glasses and destroy them. I wanted to put them in the bin full of glasses at the doctor’s office, but was in so much pain that I couldn’t. It was ironic to literally brake my glasses when I could barely see, but I did it. This is the image that I thought that would best represent the way I felt about my glasses and my new life without them. I’m sure the glasses and contact case are in the trash ready to be thrown away today. Good luck to them.

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