It was a couple of weeks ago when my editor finished the first half of my novel. He told me that it needed a couple of things done to it and what I needed to work on, but he said it was fine and that alot of people would be able to relate to the main character.
I wondered how much of my voice he changed. I started to look at the track changes of the word document and it started to scare the shit out of me. So the next sane thing I did was to save it in my google drive account and start reading the story on my iPad. I started getting goosebumps. I wondered what he changed. Then I noticed that whatever the hell he did, everything flowed. It was amazing and I was walking around my house pumped and on cloud 9 (I hate that statement, but you know what I mean, though).
But the only thing running through my head, besides how of a pig and sexist the main character is in the story, is that this is the first true thing that is of my legacy. Something someone will be able to relate to well past after I’m not present here on this earth. It literally stopped me in my tracks. Think about all the pointless paperwork and deadlines you have ever made in your life. No one gives a shit about it. And yes, not many people will give a shit about my novel, but I do. That is the biggest take away from it all. I actually give a shit about what I’m doing in the world. In writing this novel, that is.
It always blows me away when I hear people, mainly older people and people my age now, say that they built this thing and that. I listen to them and wonder what the fuck they are talking about. They always say that they built this bridge or put this line of pipe in the ground. And every time they say some stupid shit, I call bullshit. You didn’t put a line of pipe in the ground for people to receive supposedly fresh water to drink: you saw or were supervising somebody who actually put the pipe in the ground. And guess what, this is the biggest thing that I don’t think those people realize: If you were not the one to actually supervise the person who physically put the pipe in the ground, some other person who had the mind and college degree would have supervised the person who put the pipe in the ground. See, what I’m getting at is that what you are hired for and do in the world, anyone could have actually done it and the outcome would have been similar, a little shitty or better than the effort you put into it. But it doesn’t matter, it would have gotten done and the world, not really knowing or acknowledging it, would have been better for it.
This type of thinking and the way I understand what the book does for my legacy is somewhat fucked up. I know it seems that I think about things in a very critical, cynical and often negative point of view. But it is honest.
But truthfully, think about all the things you have ever done in the world. Does it matter if you did it? Was the task or thing going to get completed anyways? Yep. Most of the time. I think the more interesting part of this crazy ramble is that before we got to our positions of sitting in an office for the majority of our lives, we were doers and creative folks that did things. We knew that if we didn’t study, learn new things and talk to people, we knew that we were not going to get jobs (how ironic is that shit), be a well rounded person and have friends in our lives. See, we had to do that shit, no matter what. But it seems that once we have the office job, all of our learning and getting better for ourselves goes out the window. You know, everything is already setup for us. To wake up, go to work, have a shitty lunch in front of a computer screen, go home, watch some tv, take a shit and go back to sleep and so on and so forth. It’s like our lives don’t matter much. Or that is the way it seems.
That is why writing, thinking and putting it on a page for others to relate, laugh, grow and wonder about themselves and sharing was at the time three weeks ago and even still now so important to me. Building and creating something for others and letting everyone be a critic, hater and lover of my work is where it is at. Even way more so than turning in this authorization to pay a consultant or preparing a contract for a contractor will ever fucking be.