It is there. We all know it is there. We don’t see it, but we feel it whenever incidents happen.

There was a phase of my life a couple of years that I constantly thought about it. It scares the shit out of me and if I think about it now for a period of time it stops me and can’t even operate for a couple of hours and sometimes days. I’ve talked to my younger brother about it and he said he had those thoughts too. He said that it made him go crazy and now he has accepted it.

I even write about it in my book that I’m currently editing. Just writing about it in the eyes of the main character brought back those same feelings. I don’t think they will ever go away.

I’ve grown from that part of my life. It is a part of me. And that very thing gets me more motivated to live the life I want to more than anything.

The invisibleness, but the real feeling is like wind. The life I want to live is not all there. I do have the love of my life and feel so blessed because I found it so early in my life. My passions are helping me to express my life in ways that I didn’t know that was possible. The career is the thing that is lagging, but soon I will have that too and all of the things and goals that I want to do will soon be a part of what makes me who I am.

But it sucks to be reminded every single time of that invisible clock that rules my life and probably yours. The clock that is constantly counting down. The clock that makes us aware of our lives and when it will all be over by the passing of others we know, we don’t and don’t even care about. Just that alone makes it hurt. Just the thought that we can return to nothing in a matter of no time at all. That shit scares the shit out of me. I don’t know about you and ironic as it may sound, it is the sole motivator in living the life that I want.

I’m sure other people may say that their friends and family help motivate them to live the life that they want to live. I think the knowing that we don’t have long to live and people around us are leaving this amazing, cruel, beautiful, mysterious place is what gets us spending as much time together, experiencing how it feels to climb a cliff with no safety equipment or to freeze life of strangers fighting is what drives us and meaningful to us.

That invisible clock ain’t going anywhere, it will always be with us. We just have to realize that we have to get the most out of what we want out of our lives, you know.