I really do love the blank page. Something about not having shit on it and me taking the time to spit out something, is magical. Sure this sounds crazy and I’m just thinking out of my mind, but something about nothing and giving it some effort to turn it into something: inspires me.
I think that is one of the reasons why I love to write. It doesn’t matter if I plan and plan and then write or spontaneously put pen to paper and scribble some stuff, it’s magical. It could also mean that I love being the creator. It could be why, when in college, I gravitated to engineering. I was going to be given the chance, with math, reason and logic, to create something. I don’t know why I don’t give a shit about engineering anymore, but the process and doing of what a creator does is something that hasn’t left me at all. Now in my case, I choose life, a piece of paper with a pen, or a computer and my fingers and my eye to snap a picture in order to create.
Lately I’ve been thinking about how the fuck am I going to create a masterful plan of execution of publishing my book. I’ve started reading one of two books that I believe that is going to help me on that plan. It’s scary and alarming and I’m still quite confused how it is going to help me. I know that my mind is spinning in and out of control and I’m loving the process. The reason why is because I know my plan of attack is forming and still needs some time before the act of creativity and process to catch up to one another to feed me what I need to create and do.
I find inspiration from everything. Everything truly matters and I see that as I continue to push myself to learning and growing, my mind will be allowed to create. I wasn’t always like this. I wanted and only cared about performing the actual ‘creative’ act. Whether it be the story or thought being written or the simple motion of clicking the photo, that is all that I cared about. I let the gear get in my way and didn’t use the most important gear, which and always will be my brain.
Here is the point that I’m trying to make in all this random talk. It was late last year when I was thinking about myself being bigger than the photographer. I was only thinking about all the skills I’ve learned to get me to a place to call myself a photographer. From knowing my camera, the lenses that I select for the particular scene, editing and what is considered a good photograph from another and so many other things photographers learn and keep close to their hearts and what they considered their toolbox. But you know, as I was chilling doing something, daydreaming about the future and my life and how I was going to move forward, I came to the conclusion that I’m bigger and better than just thinking of myself as this one thing. Because you know, even if I define myself as being this one thing, I’m more than that, I’m a whole person. A person who thinks, lives and operates in the real world. A person who is layered, confused, complex, curious and naïve. A person who has more to offer and actually has so many more tools in his toolbox than what he considers he has, more than what he feels and wants others to see him as. See, the point I’m trying to make is that my toolbox consist of my life. It consist of when I was a kid, growing and going through all the shit I went through. It continues on to schooling and getting out of school and the lessons learned along the way. Also, from friends, family, women, relationships that have continued on, expired and changed for the better or worse. It also includes my many interest in life and what is and isn’t important to me. I can’t forget the jobs I consider crap and the moments in my life that I felt moved the most. The trips and people I’ve met along the way and the activities that I constantly did or still do because either I love the damn thing or just something that was and still a routine in my life.
Once I realized that my toolbox was bigger than me, infact, it was my whole life, I started to become more blissful and moved and determined to use everything, as much as possible, to do anything I want to ever do from now on in my life.
So, I have no idea where this marketing/publishing plan is going to go. But I know that my mind is active and moving and I’ll soon have a master plan that is created by the toolbox of my life and performed and executed masterfully.